Paradigm Shift

Steven Covey once detailed that he was in a subway car on a quiet Sunday afternoon.  Some young children ran into the car, followed by their father.  The kids were acting rambunctious, causing a commotion and generally disturbing the peace.  Covey claims that his initial attitude, based on what he could see was, “How could this father just sit there and do nothing?” He said to the man, “Sir, do you think you could control your children a little? They are very upsetting to people.” And the man lifted his head up, becoming aware of what was going on, and said, “Oh yeah, we just left the hospital. Their mother died about an hour ago.  I guess they don’t know how to take it, and frankly, I don’t either.”

A paradigm shift, according to Covey, is when you allow your perception (what you believe about the world) to be shifted by seeking to understand where others are coming from.  If Covey hadn’t known that the man on this subway had just lost his wife – that the kids had just lost their mom – he might have remained irritated at their behavior.  But after looking past what he perceived was happening, he was able to realize that there was much more to the story.

I’m not claiming to be the most understanding all of the time – I’ve had many moments where judgement was my default lens. However, coming across this information (that I had previously learned over 12 years ago) was a timely and divinely orchestrated occurrence.

Part of why I find it so hard to forgive repeat offenders is because I am so deeply wounded by their behavior, which is re-opened with each new offense, that I build a snowball of resentment.  I am facing the need to forgive, but am having a hard time wanting to.  Among a topical bible study on forgiveness, anger and enemies, as well as some heart wrenching prayer, this paradigm shift information helped me get to a new level of awareness in how I can begin.

See, I get so absorbed in my own hurt that I don’t see theirs.

I’m not saying that my pain is invalid or that I don’t need to feel it (nor do I believe that a person should willingly put themselves in the position to be repeatedly hurt, if that is possible).  However, I’ve realized that part of preparing my heart to forgive is to understand where they might be coming from.  The well-circulated phrase that “Hurt people hurt people” is true – people hurt others because they are hurting.  And who knows how much hurt I may have caused others in my hurting state?

It brings home the verse, “Forgive as you’ve been forgiven.” (Colossians 3:13)  I didn’t deserve the forgiveness God gave me. And maybe, in my mind, neither do the ones who have hurt me.  But I have to do it anyway.  And pray for them.  And love them!  Trying to understand what might be causing them to hurt others helps me find compassion for the pain they must have in their heart and mind and leads me to obey the command to forgive, pray for, and love them.

Now, trust me, I feel that I will still have a process where my hurt overrides my understanding, at this point.  But there was one scripture that jumped out at me when I was researching forgiveness.  It is, appropriately, subtitled “Love for Enemies” and reads:

You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you…. Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect. (Matthew 5:43, 44 & 48)

That final verse is what got me and shifted the whole paragraph, in my mind.  The Greek translation for perfect is: mature and complete.  ”Be perfect” is, to me, an invitation. If I allow myself to become completed and mature in Christ, then loving my enemies and praying for them will more readily happen.

And so, I look up and know His love will fill me up and teach me how to love like He does. 

Reposted from the blog As One Approved.

Jesus Loves the Church

Just in time for the book's release (today), I finished reading Jesus > Religion. I will admit that I wanted to be on the "street team" to review it because I love to read and wanted a free copy!  However, with each chapter, I realized that Jefferson Bethke had really written something that will awaken the church and go down in history as one of the "greats" in Christian literature. 

Not only that, but his ideas and concepts in this book are right in line with what stirred in me to feel passionate about discipleship and create the Disciple Us space to promote building God's kingdom.  This final chapter was no exception.

He begins by sharing the excitement and anticipation of his own wedding, that took place during the writing of this book.  In the beautiful experience he detailed, he parallels his wedding to that of Jesus and the church. "That is the beauty of marriage. Every time you go to a wedding, you are seeing something deeply reflective of something else. The splendor and beauty are just shadows, a mist of what is to come for those who trust in Jesus. At every single wedding, Jesus is pulling back the curtain on eternity and whispering, 'That’s me and you!'" (Page 182 & 183).

And to further illustrate who Jesus' bride is, he shares, "The Greek word for church is ekklesia, which means a 'people called out.' What I love about that definition is it has nothing to do with a building. Church in America is viewed as a brick building with a cross on top. Church in the New Testament is a group of people with the power of Jesus in them unleashing grace on anyone and everyone they encounter" (Page 183).  

He points out that the bad experiences we may have had with "church" aren't indicative of what "the Church" really is all about.  "I saw that the church wasn't a museum for good people; it was a hospital for the broken. Jesus wasn't trying to create a place to show off his shiny employees; he wanted a place where his children could be healed" (Page 186). 

He detailed a time, after he began his relationship with Jesus, where he reached out to a mentor - a discipler.  This person accepted his weakness, his mistakes, his authentic self - and helped him grow closer to Christ in the process.  THAT is the church.  

While there are many buildings full of people, claiming to be the church, and some of them are following Jesus to the best of their awareness, my most amazing experiences within the body of Christ have been outside of an official brick and mortar building and on a day other than Sunday.  The Church is not limited to a building and a day.  

It has to be church when the only thing that is bringing

diverse people into the same room is their love for Jesus.

Not their jobs. Not their socioeconomic statuses. Not their races. 

But their mutual love for Jesus. 

That’s when you know

it’s the church  

(Page 189).

May we BE the church.  May we know that Jesus loves us, his bride.  May we learn to seek HIM.  

Thank you, Jeff, for this amazing book! I would encourage everyone who wants to grow deeper in their relationship with Jesus and in their awareness of what it means to follow Him, to read this book.  (I saw Jeff say that if you couldn't afford it, he was willing to send you a PDF copy for free!)

Thanks for following the journey of reading this book... stay tuned...

A Bright Future

I know I said the last chapter was my favorite, but after reading chapter 9, I have a new one!  I love Jeff's perspective and insight about what it means to worship God in spirit and truth.  He confirmed a lot of things that I had circling about in my heart and mind.

"Genesis 1 says everything he created was good. Everything. That means music, art, politics, food, animals, plants, and trees are all good in and of themselves. These things aren't evil, but our abuse of them is evil" (Page 161).

Bethke elaborates on many things pertaining to this notion, but the thing that resonated most with me was this: When I first became a Christian, I thought that to be a good Christian, I had to be in ministry. I thought people who weren't were just Junior Varsity Christians. I thought that to be on God’s good side, you needed to be a pastor, theologian, or priest... But that’s not what the Bible says. Peter was a fisherman. Paul was a tent maker. Jesus was a carpenter" (page 163 & 164).  

I recall, three and a half years ago, when I made the decision to give my life to God and accept the gift of grace through Jesus Christ.  My first year was listening to only Christian music, becoming overly involved in "church" activities and doing whatever I could to inundate my life with all things "Christian." I signed up for a course in ministry, which was great, but the initial goal was to complete the program with a degree in ministry. I thought I had to progressively become more and more Christian by taking Christian activity to the next level.  In the process, I burned out (a couple of times!) and pushed my spouse away from wanting anything to do with a Christian walk for a season.  As Jeff points out, it's not that any of those things are bad, but I had it in my head that to be a Christian, I had to do completely "Christian" things. But the truth is God honors our worship in whatever we do if we are honoring him and expressing gratitude to him.

Even my efforts for Disciple Us, which began as a large vision with a website and excitement to orchestrate discipleship relationships, started as an effort to be a formal, Christian program.  Perhaps, in God's wisdom, the events in my life that has taken this effort in a completely different direction point out that discipleship, in whatever form that it can be done healthily and authentically, is more important than any program. "No longer will worship be an external behavior with certain holy spots, but holiness will be a matter of worshiping in spirit and in truth. Faith is no longer wrapped up in a building; it’s wrapped up in every soul who loves Jesus. When the people of God move, the church moves. It’s not brick and mortar; it’s skin and bone" (Page 168).

Additionally, Jeff pointed out something that was very beautiful.  He specified this to single mom's, but I echo the notion to all moms, single or not: "Don’t struggle under the burden of wanting to do more outside your home but not being able to, especially if you have small children. You don’t need to lead a women’s group, write a Bible study, or serve in your neighborhood. Your kids take up all your time, as they should at this stage in your life. You don’t need to be leading a ministry. Your kids are your ministry!" (Page 165). 

This is not to say if you are able and have the God-given calling that you are not supposed to participate in these kinds of activities, as moms. But ultimately, our kids are the ministry we are given and neglecting them is not part of God's plan for our lives.  This really resonated with me as I have historically felt guilty if I'm not participating or leading in some capacity, even if it was at the expense of my family. 

I especially loved what Jeff's thoughts were about music and art ~ That because God created everything and saw it as good, ALL that glorifies him is also good.  I don't have to limit myself to "Christian" art and music to worship God.  I don't have to create only "Christian" work to glorify him. 

God So Loved...

"You don’t have to try to be God’s daughter or son. You just are" (Page 149).

In Chapter 8 of Jesus > Religion, Bethke speaks of God's scandalous grace. This has been my favorite chapter of his book, thus far.  What better news than to know that God loves you just because that is who He is?  What better news than His grace applies to you, no matter what you have done or will do?  

"Religion says go and try not to sin anymore, and then I won’t condemn you. Jesus reverses it. We understand we are free and no longer condemned and then we can go and live a life of freedom and holiness" (Page 139).

He makes clear, he doesn't condone people just going out and doing whatever they want because they are "saved."  But he also notes that those who have truly been transformed by God's love and grace will desire to be with Him, over the other behaviors that used to appeal.  

"God’s love is so potent that, when it finally pierces the heart, we can’t help but have a transformed heart... The problem with fear-based Christianity is we only obey when the fear is there. If you only want to obey God when you feel threatened by his commands, it’s not God you worship, but your fear. Love, however, compels a heart and produces lasting joy and obedience" (Page 143 & 144). 

He speaks to those who put on masks and are not being authentic. "The problem with wearing masks is even when we receive love, it’s really the mask that is receiving the love, not us. Whatever gets thrown at us will always hit the mask and can’t penetrate our souls. So it is with God’s grace. Every second of every day he pursues us and offers grace, but until we take off our masks, we will never be able to accept it. When we expose ourselves and are completely vulnerable, we lose control but gain joy and freedom" (Page 140). 

Healthy vulnerability and authenticity are rare and difficult characteristics to find in the modern American world.  I believe we have become more afraid of what our fellow man and society dictates is "okay" that we fail to show our true colors.  The beautiful thing about God's love is that as it transforms us, it continues to free us into who we were designed to be, regardless of the world's standards.  

I am definitely a work in progress, but I have been so thankful for the transforming power of God's love and grace.  The more I grow in relationship with Him, the more I am in awe of it and the more freedom to just love Him and trust Him occurs.  My masks are dropping.  I'm learning to be who I was created to be.

"Real grace loves us right where we are, but it loves us too much to keep us there. Cheap grace—which is not really grace at all—is like a horrendous version of love that sees its loved one in danger and simply says, 'I love you.' That doesn’t cut it. We need rescuing. And God does exactly that. We know we've accepted God’s transforming grace if we begin to look different. Don’t think grace is beyond your grasp. God is offering it to you. It’s free. And it’s life-giving. Will you trust him?" (Page 153).